Tribute to my Mom

"But let me tell you something wonderful, a mystery I’ll probably never fully understand. We’re not all going to die—but we are all going to be changed. You hear a blast to end all blasts from a trumpet, and in the time that you look up and blink your eyes—it’s over. On signal from that trumpet from heaven, the dead will be up and out of their graves, beyond the reach of death, never to die again. At the same moment and in the same way, we’ll all be changed. In the resurrection scheme of things, this has to happen: everything perishable taken off the shelves and replaced by the imperishable, this mortal replaced by the immortal. Then the saying will come true:

Death swallowed by triumphant Life!
Who got the last word, oh, Death?
Oh, Death, who’s afraid of you now?

                                                                                                                                It was sin that made death so frightening and law-code guilt that gave sin its leverage, its destructive power. But now in a single victorious stroke of Life, all three—sin, guilt, death—are gone, the gift of our Master, Jesus Christ. Thank God! ~1Corinthians 15:51-57 The Message

I had the most wonderful, generous, adventurous, courageous, amazingly strong, fun and loving mom…but if she were sitting here among us still…I'm pretty sure she would say that I'm "just being nice" and want to remind me of all the times she failed at being any of these things. 

Yes…sometimes my mom was frustrated, tired, fearful, weak, no fun, and had "lost that loving feeling"…but than who here hasn't? The conflicting mixture of emotions and attributes that weave through my mom's 85 years on this earth only cause me to love and admire her more…not less. After all…as her youngest child of 3, I recall being at the root of many of her frustrations more often than I care to count. Thankfully, I feel confident that her love for me overshadowed all those times and perhaps I even became a root of her joy, her comfort and a source of her loving care.  

I loved my mom and I thank God that He gave her to me.

I must admit when my mom came to live with me full time a couple of years after my husband died I wasn't prepared for the changes dementia had caused in my Mom's ability to reason or understand the things that seemed basic or simple to me. My mom's physical care also had increased since the last time she lives with Brad & I, so it was quite overwhelming at times for both of us as we learned to adjust to each other's ability to cope with the changes in both of our lives. 

I was use to a clear thinking and more mobile mom.  My mom no doubted missed Brad's ability to diffuse the tension between the two of us stubborn women who were use to "their way" of doing things. 

It took God's love and wisdom, His strength and grace to help me adjust to caring for my mom…and His mercy and grace for my mom to accept not only my help, but to forgive my many failures in patience & tenderness and to accept my willingness to sacrifice for her good and not feel resentful that she needed my help. 

The adjustments were quite a process and was actually ones that never stopped being a process since my mom's health was in constant change. We had many "rough patches and I had many nights I cried out to God that this was all too impossible for me to handle. This was too much pain and suffering for my mom to have to bear and that she deserved a better caregiver that what I could offer. 

Yet, I can't count the times my mom expressed to me her love and I express my love for her. What joy we shared together in all those moments...all of these are precious keepsakes in my heart. The other stuff...has already begun to quickly fade into the background to be forgotten. 

On July 5th, 2013 my mom breathed out her last breath of this life and breathed in her first breath of Heaven. I rejoiced for her and God covered me with His peace and assured me that He was pleased that I had fulfilled my vow to love and care for my mom because I trusted Him over my doubts and had not given up. 

May I encourage you with these thoughts. 

You may find yourself in undesirable circumstances, but as Romans 8:28 tells us, God can take these bad things and work them together for your good and his glory if you are his child.

Our all-knowing God knows what is best for us and can direct us clearly by our circumstances. 

This is what the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel says:

I am Yahweh your God,
who teaches you for your benefit,
who leads you in the way you should go. ~ Isaiah 48:17(HCSB)

Too often we give up instead of waiting for the Lord's perfect timing to grant our hearts desire.When we don't see our prayers being answered...we answer our request our way instead of God's...& this contradicts God's will. 

I used to plead for God to~ "Rescue me from this!" Only to realize that He has rescued me "in it." Recently while feeling at my weakest, I cried out to God that it felt like I wasn't getting stronger in this trial but only weaker. His answer to my heart was, "I am not trying to make you stronger...My strength is revealed perfectly in your weakness." I felt suddenly relieved from the pressure I had been under...I know how to be weak! And His strength was suddenly uncovered. Glory! 

The morning after my mom died, I woke up feeling "adrift" in a sea of aloneness. With both parents gone, my identity had once again changed and I don't much care for losing my beloved titles in this life of "wife" and now "daughter".

I could chose to just sit in this pool of self-pity but if you know me well...I'm not much for getting into the water and than drowning in that mess. No...I'd rather prefer a big comfy floating devise that allows me to rise above the waves and enjoy life's journeys. 

I have found such a vessel in Christ! God in His faithfulness that morning quickly reminded me that I am the bride of Christ...and I am the daughter of the One true King. Death can not steal these eternal identities from me...nor my Christian brother & sister can he steal them from you. 

 “Death, where is your victory?
Death, where is your pain?” 1 Corthinians 15:55 NCV

My mom is in Heaven today and she is more alive and more vibrant than when in her youth she walked this earth. She is surrounded by loved ones who had been waiting to see her again...but none anticipated her arrival more than Jesus! Oh what a joyful moment that must be...when our faith become our sight and we see Jesus face to face. 

To God be the Glory...what great things He has done! 

Glory! 

Kathy 

If It Looks Like A Duck...

Jesus...said to them, “If anyone wants to be My follower, he must give up himself and his own desires. He must take up his cross and follow Me. If anyone wants to keep his own life safe, he will lose it. If anyone gives up his life because of Me and because of the Good News, he will save it." Mark 8:34-35 NLV

Last week I discovered a nest of 9 mallard duck eggs in my front flower bed. They were well hidden behind a small azalea bush, tucked safely next to the brick wall of my home. If not for the eagle eye of my friend's son Dillon, who was helping me with my yard work, I might have missed the joy of seeing them there.  

Excited about our find...I quickly went to my computer in search for any knowledge about duck eggs and about the mother’s habit once the eggs are laid. After getting past the search links about how to "prepare" duck eggs for consumption...I finally found what my curiosity was seeking...a very informative article about the behavior and habits of mallard ducks.  

As I clicked off the page about mallards ...my thoughts clicked onto a common saying;

"If it looks like a duck, acts like a duck, and quacks like a duck...then it must be a duck!"

When I first saw the well hidden nest of duck eggs...I had no idea what kind of eggs they were. If my young friend hadn't told me they were duck eggs, I could have easily thought it possible they were from some other species of wild life.  

I couldn’t help but see the correlation between the saying above and how as a Christian...people should be able to identify me as a follower of Christ. When people’s lives come in contact with mine...they should easily distinguish me as a Christian not only by what their eyes see me doing, by how I act, and by the words I speak...but also by my appearance. 

Like these unmarked eggs...how often do we find Christians who are keeping their faith hidden and unhatched in a cozy nest away from seeing eyes? Can a coworker, friend, or even strangers come across us while they are in the midst of just living life as best they can, and identify us as a Christian living among them? 

When people see our response in the trials and triumphs of life...do they easily overlook us because we blend in with the lifestyle and attitude of everyone around us? Or are their eyes opened by our distinctive appearance to the likeness in Christ? Like my young friend Dillon who quickly identified the nest of eggs as belonging to a duck, can people quickly identify you as belonging to Jesus?  

“...he must give up himself and his own desires. He must take up his cross and follow Me. If anyone wants to keep his own life safe, he will lose it.”

What makes the life of a follower of Christ distinctive is that our focus in life is not on satisfying our desires or living a “safe” faith by blending into the ways and wants of a dying world. Because we know this life is not ours to live as we please, that it is a life created by God to please Him...everything we say and do should point others to the saving love and grace we are all offered at the foot of the cross. 

God never promised us that dying to self would be easy...but He does promise us the reward of following His Son is greater than any sacrifice we will ever make! 

So...may it be said when people meet me;

"She acts like a Christian, looks like a Christian, and talks likes a Christian...then she must be a Christian!" 

Glory! 

Kathy 

Soul Restless or Restful Soul?

“...Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls."

 - Jeremiah 6:16

This morning when I sat down with my Bible...an unexpected sigh escaped my lips all the way from my soul. I instantly whispered aloud this prayer;

“Help me, Lord! I’m so tired...even my soul is restless!”

My days lately have become an unending road of pressures from a pile of decisions I need to make. Instead of relieving this pressure by listing each one and then taking care of them in order of importance...I have chosen instead to apply my own proven stress increaser; Indecision. 

Of course, my indecision only leads these “undone decision” to slip over into my tomorrows, where several new decisions are awaiting me. I then add to my weariness a boulder or two of self-pity which only further blocks my soul’s pathway to peace. 

Is it really any wonder I'm “soul restless?” 

All this discontentment has lead me to a crossroad. It’s time to make the most important decision I have facing me. I can either take the path that leads me further away from the rest my soul is seeking...or I can take the path God offers. 

In this world, God’s way can seem old or outdated in comparison to all the new ideas we hear about on how to achieve inner peace...but His way is the only proven path that promises to deliver the rest our souls need.   

I love how God encouraged me through my usual morning devotion time and reading of His Word. I just happened to be in the Book of Jeremiah...and I just happened to be reading the 6th chapter...And God just purposely had a message for me...

"This is what the Lord says:

“Stop at the crossroads and look around.

    Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it.

Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls."

                                                                   - Jeremiah 6:16

This morning my soul spoke to me through a sigh that we had reached a crossroad in our search for rest. With God’s leading...I stopped in prayer, looked around at the paths before me, asked for the godly way to walk, and then began my travels on the Lord’s path that is providing rest for my soul. 

How about you? Have you reached the crossroad too? The path you choose will determine if your days are filled with a soul that is restless...or one that is restful. 

Glory! 

Kathy 

Weight of Glory

[Just a brief mention that this post title may sound familiar to some of you who have read some of my earlier writings. I kept the title and the primary story it contained..but I changed some of what I shared since my life has also gone through so changes since I first wrote it! I pray you are blessed regardless if this is the first time or second time in hearing how God chose to answer the cries of a new widow...] 

 "For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."

-2 Corinthians 4:17-18 (NLT)

My life over the past few years without my husband has sometimes felt like I was in the middle of some strange emotional tug of war with myself! Some days I feel pulled by my memories of Brad's and my life together ...recalling the moments I treasured and remembering all those tiny details that went into making our life together special. I than feel my spirit's desire pushing me to move forward with God beyond what my life held as Brad’s wife. Today was a day I gave into the pull of my past memories. 

After a little while (and a few tears too) I knew I needed to move on...but I hated the thought of letting go again of the dreams Brad and I shared for the future that was never ours to have. 

Sooo...feeling as though I had taken three steps forward in my “new life” and now suddenly feeling I just took two giant steps back...Jesus only allowed me to sit alone in my pity party of one for a brief while before sitting down beside me and helping me to recall some of the lessons I have been taught through His love these past years. 

As difficult and painful the process has been for me since Brad’s death...I’ve learned through my loss to look inside my heart to find the things that had been keeping me from placing my complete trust and love in God. 

Where I once had looked to Brad as my main source for a lifetime of love and security…it is in Jesus that I will always find the One true source that will always meet every (tangible and intangible) need my life yearns for. I discovered that God alone remains faithful in providing me with His abundant provisions of love and security for every day and every need. 

In fact...through studying His Word and in prayer, the Lord has given me eyes to see beyond my own needs and even gives me glimpses of this world through His eyes so that I may know His heart more fully and respond to the needs of others with love and compassion. Although I still have those days and nights that I long for what I once had with Brad I know that there will be a day when the weight of this world will be replaced with the glorious weight of Heaven! 

I just have to share this one experience with you...

After Brad died...and for months afterwards...I cried out many times to God that Brad's long days & hours of dying were too painful...the memory and thoughts I held of my precious husband being so tormented were more than I could bear. I wanted to "trust" God with how Brad died...but I struggled beyond imagine with the "why" it had to be "this way." Brad loved Jesus wholeheartedly...everyone who knew Brad, knew he had a heart for Christ. “Why Lord would you allow him to suffer so greatly in death?” 

And than one morning as I laid in bed awake...once again crying for comfort from these tormenting thoughts… God blessed me with the most beautiful answer I would never have imagined seeing and hearing with my heart.

I saw myself walking along side of Jesus with my head turned towards Him as I spoke with him. (I was very animated while talking and moving my hands like I do when I am excited about something…yikes!). As we walked, Jesus' eyes were always on my face and He was smiling and even laughing at something I had said. (That image alone is “off the charts” wonderful…); Then Jesus suddenly stopped walking and turned his head looking straight ahead.  So…of course I stopped too and turned my head to see what he was looking at. 

As I looked ahead of us, I saw the back of a tall slender man wearing a white shirt with a

head full of thick brown hair…and as he turned around to face us it was my most handsome and youthful husband Brad! Before even a moment went by...Brad cried out, "You're here!” He ran to me and scooped me up into his arms and swung me around and around saying over and over again, "You’re here, you’re here!"

As Brad swung me around I began to cry and thru my sobs I said..."I'm so sorry Brad, so sorry…you had to die in so much pain. I'm sorry..." Brad quickly stopped spinning me and as he closely held my face to his in the palms of his hands…with those beautiful deep set eyes fixed on my tear filled eyes, he said, "Oh Kathy...it was nothing...it is nothing!” While saying this his face broke out in the biggest smile…his face was filled with joy! I understood immediately what he meant... 

You see...no matter the trials and heartache this life will bring...the moment…the very moment we exhale our last breath in this life and inhale our first breath of Heaven…all the pains and all the heartaches, every trial and trouble are washed away into the glory and beauty of our Lord's presence and our eternal home in Heaven! 

What a gift…what amazing love God poured over my grieving heart on that morning. Finally… I found the peace I had been looking for and needed concerning Brad's last days and hours. 

I no longer ask God "Why?" or cry out to God asking him to “explain.” I still shed some tears in missing Brad and I still don't know "why?" But...that question of “why?” no longer holds my attention or torments my heart. For I have a better answer than a reason could provide…

It is to the joy of what is coming…the promise of one day I will be in heaven worshiping my Savior. One day, I will actually be walking along side of Jesus and we will be talking and laughing together. I will again be with Brad. 

The promised weight of glory lifts off my heart all the weight of pain this world can ever give.

"Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory...

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming."

- Before the Morning by Josh Wilson

"For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever" 

Glory! 

Kathy 

Living Life to its Fullest

...I came to give life—life in all its fullness. ~ JOHN 10:10

Ever since I was a young girl I wanted to live an adventuresome life. The books I read and the dreams I dreamt were usually full of twisting plots and  unexpected turns. The main characters were always exploring uncharted paths and venturing to interesting places all over the world. I prayed that God would allow me to live a life full of adventures. 

So...you can probably imagine my excitement when I began my career as a Flight Attendant. Talk about my life “taking off” on an adventure! 

The Lord blessed my adventuresome spirit even more when He gave Brad to be my husband. Brad's career as a professional photographer may have found his feet on the ground...but, he had a very adventuresome spirit that willingly took off with me in my love of travel. We both embraced most of the twist and turns of traveling with great resilience! We loved pursuing the unknown more than we disliked the trials that often accompanied traveling.

Brad and I not only shared a love for travel adventures...we shared an even greater love for the adventures we experienced in serving Jesus with all our hearts. 

My husband's love for Jesus led him to leave his successful photography business to answer God's calling to be in ministry full time. Brad had a beautiful singing voice as well as a musical background. The Lord obviously had prepared Brad for his calling to lead others to know Jesus through music by becoming a Worship and Music minister. 

Brad's ministry eventually led us to move away from our established roots and leave behind all the people we loved...traveling over 800 miles away to serve at a church where we knew no one!  

. 

We both embarked on this new journey anticipating all the unknown adventures we were about to experience in following God’s plans instead of our own...never imagining that in six shorts months of arriving that Brad would be diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. 

This was not an adventure I ever dreamed of or desired to explore. Nor was it one I wanted to experience. If given a choice ahead of time, I’d likely have tossed that travel brochure aside and said; “No...this cancer adventure is not for me!” 

Never in any of my dreams of living an adventuresome life did I consider experiencing my husband's battle with cancer and his eventual death 5 years later, to be something worth exploring. 

 I mean really...other than a creative story writer...who would ever add deadly illness and death to a perfectly good story about living life to it's fullest? 

Hmmm...come to think of it...I believe God’s Word is just such a Book.

The Bible is filled with true accounts about numerous chosen followers of God living very adventurous lives! Among them are; David, Esther and Daniel. There is Paul, Peter, Mary, and John as well. Each one accepting God’s adventure plans over their own. Every one of them had to “let go” of their plans to “live fully ' the life God planned for them.

To live a life full of godly adventure came at a cost to them. They all had to move away from their established roots. They didn’t escape life’s hardships and trials...nor were they shielded from the heartbreaking pain caused by illnesses and death. 

I feel very certain when we all meet in Heaven, not one person who followed God’s path for their life will tell us they wish they had said “no” to God’s plans over their own...including ourselves! 

Through my husband’s battle with cancer and since his death, I have learned I can trust God’s plan for my life...even if I don’t always like what He has allowed.  

After writing these thoughts down, I paused to reflect on what I’d written and how God has taught me so much about trusting Him for my future. It was in these quiet moments that God gently revealed to my heart that for nearly 5 years now I have still been holding on to...even if only by a thin thread...a couple of longtime plans I made for my life with Brad that I know can never happen this side of Heaven. 

The Lord lovingly pointed out to me this truth. I cannot go where He leads...if I do not let go of what I'm holding onto that is not of His plan.

So with tears of faith and trust in Jesus, I asked God to help me cut the last threads that have held me back from my full devotion to His will for my life. As my tears gently fell...I felt a bittersweet release as the threads were cut. 

“From now on...” I heard my Savior whisper to my heart; “you no longer have to limp through this life tangled up by the threads of your own plans, missing out on experiencing the full adventure that I have already laid before you. I am with you always and I’ll never leave your side”

"I’ve commanded you to be strong and brave. Don’t ever be afraid or discouraged! I am the Lord your God, and I will be there to help you wherever you go." ~ Joshua 1:9 CEV

What plans (or people) are you holding tightly on to? Just because you loosen your grip,and place them trustingly into God’s Will doesn’t mean you love them less...it means you trust God’s plan more. I promise...you’ll never regret following God!

Jesus offers an abundant life to live here on earth that He does not want us to miss out on! When we focus on our wants...or on what we don't have or can't have...we open ourselves up to Satan providing us with a counterfeit contentment in the things of this world that can not satisfy us.  

Yet, when we choose to trust God in all circumstances and to desire His Will, refocusing our thoughts & hearts away from our losses and onto our resurrected lives with Jesus...we are able to surrender our false security and gain the "real thing” in Christ. He generously gives true and lasting contentment in all our circumstances. 

Dear Lord,
I Praise Your Name! Thank you for making the way for all who believe in you to see that Your plans for our lives are good and give us hope. Not even death can steal us away from your promises. When death comes to your child...it’s not the end of our adventure...it’s a flight we gladly take which lifts us away from a world where our dreams and adventures shrink...to an eternal place where our dreams and adventures forever and fully expand. 


...I came to give life—life in all its fullness.~ JOHN 10:10

Glory! 

Kathy 

Sincerely Wrong...

 "For I can testify that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not in line with the truth. For ignoring the righteousness that comes from God, and seeking instead to establish their own righteousness, they did not submit to God’s righteousness." - Romans 10:2-3 NET

I will never forget a saying one of my favorite Bible teachers shared concerning doing what is right according to God's perfect definition of righteousness. It goes like this;

"It's never right to do the wrong thing...even for the right reason." 

I use to believe if my motives were right...that even if my actions were slightly wrong...the right results made my actions right as well. Yikes! 

Just imagine with me that I'm in the presence of our Powerful and Righteous God and I say to Him... 

"Father, I did a little something wrong, but...I thought I was doing the right thing and I did it with the right motive!"

Our Father replies..."Child, I gave you my righteous guidelines to follow in My Word, did you not read them? Or perhaps you read them without effect because you didn't understand them. Even still...you did wrong. So,now you are defending the decisions you make because you think if you have a right motive...that I should accept it as good because you believe your motive is pure.

"Yes...my motive was pure!" I reply with a great sense of relief...thinking God "gets it!"
If my motives are pure and right than God will not mind me changing a few of His laws and guidelines around...after all..."times are a changing!"

A quiet stillness follows these thoughts and I can see in my Father's face an expression of great patience and love for me. But I also see He is not swayed by my new theology! 

In 1 Chronicles 13 we read of David's sincere desire to bring the Ark of God back to Jerusalem. David even seemed to have the right motive for doing this. Along with David and several others, is Uzzah. Like David...Uzzah chooses to do this in a way that seems right to David and to himself...and does not seek to know and follow God's laws and guidelines in how it should be done. 

On the way to Jerusalem...the oxen carrying the Ark stumbled and Urzzah who was walking along side the cart did what seemed the rightest thing in the world to do...he put his hand on the Ark to prevent it from falling! Who can blame the man? 

But God had commanded that no hand other than a Priest should ever touch the Ark. Even though Uzzah had the "right" motive...he did the wrong thing...and so Uzzah paid the ultimate price because God will not have men rewrite His laws and guidelines to suit their own ways of doing what they feel is right. 

It seems prevalent in todays world for God's Word to be disregarded not only by unbelievers but by believers as well. Some perhaps have decided it is too old-fashioned or difficult to follow. How often like Uzzah do we dare to place ourselves in a dangerous situation by altering or toning done God's Word to suit our ideas of righteousness and than say boldly to God...that we were sincere in our motives to do the right thing? 

Who are we to even dare touch a single letter of God’s Book? Sincerity needs to be allied to truth...for it is possible to be sincerely wrong! 


"Father..." I humbly spoke. "Forgive me. I realize now that no matter how sincere I think my motives are...that it's never right to do the wrong thing. May my sincerity always be aligned to Truth for I understand that it is possible to be sincerely wrong!" 
(John 16:2, Acts 26:9, Romans 10:2). 

 “Now respect the Lord and serve him fully and sincerely." - Joshua 24:14 NCV

Glory! 

Kathy 

He's Alive!

 “Afterward Joseph of Arimathea, who had been a secret disciple of Jesus (because he feared the Jewish leaders), asked Pilate for permission to take down Jesus’ body. When Pilate gave permission, Joseph came and took the body away. With him came Nicodemus, the man who had come to Jesus at night. He brought about seventy-five pounds of perfumed ointment made from myrrh and aloes. 

Following Jewish burial custom, they wrapped Jesus’ body with the spices in long sheets of linen cloth.The place of crucifixion was near a garden, where there was a new tomb, never used before. And so, because it was the day of preparation for the Jewish Passover and since the tomb was close at hand, they laid Jesus there.” ~John 19:38-42 NLT

Today is the day before Easter...the day before Resurection Sunday. 

As I reflect quietly with God over what this day must have been like over 2,000 years ago, it's hard for me to think about Jesus in the tomb and not feel the deep pain that death has delivered to my own heart. 

Death is such a boastful thing...it cares not if you are rich or poor...loved or lonely...Death always boast a loud victory over all of life...and Death's greatest desire is to destroy forever the hope and joy in those who are brushed aside in its wake.

I can too easily imagine the great sorrow felt in Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus as they wrapped Jesus' body in linens and laid our Lord inside that tomb. I imagine that before they left the tomb's cold walls, they briefly looked back and saw their Hope and Joy was laid beside Him as well. The stone was rolled and death covered over their hearts with crushing force.

Dark days...dark thoughts...darker future. It seems death has conquered the Unconquerable...Life loses to Death.

Than something amazing happened! Three days from Jesus’ last

breath ...the Truth was revealed...the stone rolled away...Death had no victory after all...Jesus was alive! Jesus IS alive! Hallalujah!

Hope and Joy left that grave too...both revived thru the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. We need not fear death's sting nor believe its deceptions that our loved ones are gone from us forever. Jesus made the way for us to be forgiven of all our sins and dwell with God our Father. How?  

By simply accepting Jesus is the Son of God...who died on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins...that whomever will believe in Him...shall not perish but have eternal life! 

"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,

Because He lives, all fear is gone;

Because I know He holds the future,

And life is worth the living,

Just because He lives!

And then one day, I'll cross the river,

I'll fight life's final war with pain;

And then, as death gives way to vict'ry,

I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives! 

- Bill Gaither Because He Lives lyrics

“Early on Sunday morning, as the new day was dawning, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went out to visit the tomb.

  Suddenly there was a great earthquake! For an angel of the Lord came down from heaven, rolled aside the stone, and sat on it His face shone like lightning, and his clothing was as white as snow.   The guards shook with fear when they saw him, and they fell into a dead faint.

  Then the angel spoke to the women. “Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I know you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He isn’t here! He is risen from the dead, just as he said would happen.” ~ Matthew 28:1-6 NLT

Glory! 

Kathy 

Hiding in the Dark

"While he lived on earth, anticipating death, Jesus cried out in pain and wept in sorrow as he offered up priestly prayers to God. Because he honored God, God answered him. Though he was God’s Son, he learned trusting-obedience by what he suffered, just as we do." 

~ Hebrews 5:7-8 The Message

When I was a little girl I was afraid of the dark.(Truth be known...I was afraid of the dark long into my adult life too!) Sooo, growing up, I would make sure my bedroom door was cracked open so that the light coming from down the hallway could peak in and allow me to “see” in the dark. As I got older and lived on my own I continued this habit by leaving a light on outside my darken bedroom. After I was married I felt “safer” in the dark....but discovered that a bedside clock gave off just enough light to dispel the darkness without disturbing my husband’s preference for sleeping in a darkened room.

Strangely...my fear of the dark did not return when my husband died. Instead of feeling frightened and anxious of the dark...the utter blackness now beckoned and invited me to come live in it. 

I never knew what “living in” real darkness was until Brad's death threw me deeper into it's depths. I never imagined I’d want to run into it’s bleakness...but that is what I blindly rushed towards in trying to hide from the light of my crushed spirit and all my broken dreams. 

It was soon after I had exhausted myself from my attempt to escape the light that glared into my overwhelming sorrow and grief that I discovered I had sat down in a place that seemed too deep and far away from any source of light to help lead me out. I had little strength left and my faith to climb out of it’s dark cold grip was just as weak. I thought I was alone with only darkness to cover me...

It was in this darkest time, when my world had gone black and I could not find my way...that I heard the Lord call my name. As I reached out to The Lord weeping expressing all my pain...I prayed...asking for Him to deliver me from one more breath of grief...one more heartbeat of sorrow. I asked Him to take away the circumstances I was in and change the course of my future as I saw it...for to me...my life had no redeeming purpose anymore.  

"While he lived on earth, anticipating death, Jesus cried out in pain and wept in sorrow...”

Do you have any idea what it means to me to know that Jesus understands my darkest thoughts and my heavy burden of sorrow? When Jesus prayed the night before his crucifixion in the Garden at the Mount of Olives...the Bible tells me that His tears were falling from the pain of sorrow He was feeling. 

Now, I’m not suggesting that my dark hours should be held next to Jesus’ sacrifice. But I do believe I can take from His dark hours in that garden...that God’s mercy delivered an angel full of light to stand watch over His Son and comfort Him as He prepared to do His Father’s Will. Darkness cannot hide it’s menacing dissuasion from the light of God!   

In my days of great sorrow Jesus did the same for me. He was faithful to break the dark and shine His light so I could "see" He was with me. His presence comforted me and His promises gave me the courage to look at Him and listen for His voice to trust Him to lead me (and stay with me) into the spacious place He had already prepared for me to go. 

Unlike Jesus that night in the Garden...I often took my eyes away from God and back on the darkness that threatened to consume me...But Jesus would not let go of me...even when I let go of Him. His light could not be dimmed by my lack of faith...for He is always faithful to His own. He refused to allow the darkness to hide me (even when it was my prayer that it would) and He always reached out for me and lifted me up into His saving arms of mercy until I was strong enough to take the next step with Him beside me. 

...When I discerned God's light shining into my darkness...I don't recall those moments bringing "happiness" back into my life. What it did bring was relief from my fears and calmness to my anxious thoughts. The steady Light of Christ renewed my hope which lifted my spirit from total despair allowing His joy in me to become my joy in Him. 

God is patient and His love never fails...even in the dark! 

Psalms 139:1-18 

  Lord, you have examined me

    and know all about me.

2 You know when I sit down and when I get up.

    You know my thoughts before I think them.

3 You know where I go and where I lie down.

    You know everything I do.

4 Lord, even before I say a word,

    you already know it.

5 You are all around me—in front and in back—

    and have put your hand on me.

6 Your knowledge is amazing to me;

    it is more than I can understand.

7 Where can I go to get away from your Spirit?

    Where can I run from you?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there.

    If I lie down in the grave, you are there.

9 If I rise with the sun in the east

    and settle in the west beyond the sea,

10 even there you would guide me.

    With your right hand you would hold me.

11 I could say, “The darkness will hide me.

    Let the light around me turn into night.”

12 But even the darkness is not dark to you.

    The night is as light as the day;

    darkness and light are the same to you.

13 You made my whole being;

    you formed me in my mother’s body.

14 I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way.

    What you have done is wonderful.

    I know this very well.

15 You saw my bones being formed

    as I took shape in my mother’s body.

When I was put together there,

16 you saw my body as it was formed.

All the days planned for me

    were written in your book

    before I was one day old.

17 God, your thoughts are precious to me.

    They are so many!

18 If I could count them,

    they would be more than all the grains of sand.

When I wake up,

    I am still with you.

Glory! 

Kathy