"I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— I will not leave you all alone like orphans; I will come back to you." John 14:16,18
This morning I woke up feeling tired and discouraged. The past several days have been tough ones in caring for my mom. She has constant back pain from arthritis and it seems none of the medicine I have for her will "remove" her discomfort. Throw in a strong dose of dementia that plagues her thoughts with confusion and perhaps you'll be able to understand the growing frustration I have in not being able to "fix" her health issues to the satisfaction of us both! These past few days and nights have been exhausting ones.
As I sat down with my usual morning cup of coffee and the day's devotional in front of me...my overwhelming feelings of discouragement led me to put both of them down as I felt compelled to unload my burdening thoughts first to the Lord in prayer.
Before I even formed my first sentence...tears began falling down my face. I realized instantly what was really bothering me the most in all of this. I’m tired and frustrated because I feel so alone without Brad beside me.
I miss my husband’s encouragement and company...so I reminded God that He left me to do all of this work alone without Brad's help and love to get me through the tuff stuff of caregiving. I once more asked Him “why?” even thought I’ve long since understood even if I did know God’s reason...it would not make me miss Brad less. It seemed to my heart this morning that God has decided I am to be alone...and I just need to accept it.
As I dried my eyes, I paused for a brief moment...wanting to give God some time just in case He wanted to respond to my complaint...but...I quickly decided He had nothing new to say and was choosing to remain quiet. Feeling no better... I picked up my cup of coffee and after taking a sip, I began to read my first daily devotional for the day...
"...so I will be with you. I will not abandon you or leave you alone." ~ Joshua 1:5b NET
I paused after reading this familiar Scripture and just smiled.
I soon realized God had even more He desired for me to understand as I read the devotion that followed...
When I stop looking at the "work" of caregiving ( or any work of service) as it "affects me"...and see that the work I do is actually a means to commune with God...I am encouraged to know I may look "alone" but God is always right there with me! I'm also greatly blessed with the high honor to accomplish every task the Lord places before me to the glory of God!
When I sat down this morning, I felt defeated. However...when I rose up in response to my mom calling me a few minutes later...I rose up with the light of Truth encouraging me to press on!
What changed? Not my circumstances...but Contentment was mine because I knew God loves me enough to give me a reminder when I need it... Jesus is with me always and forever.
Not for a moment... will I ever be alone.