"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
- Romans 15:13
A friend recently posted on her FaceBook page the above Scripture. I was instantly reminded of how this verse in Romans was my constant prayer for months after Brad died. I was feeling the loss of all hope of ever knowing joy and peace again...this side of Heaven.
As I prayed this verse...my heart pleaded with God to "fill me" once again with joy and peace..though I doubted it was possible.
I felt my hope had been dropped and shattered...leaving only it's remnant inside me like a bunch of scattered pieces across my broken spirit.
As I prayed with the smallest of faith...the Lord answered my plea with one of His own to me. He spoke to my heart how He desired to fill me with more joy and peace than I could ever hold inside of me...but there was something very important I needed to do in order to keep what I received.
But how could I ignore painful circumstances and the feeling of betrayal when God allows such heartache?
the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there’s one other thing I remember,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:
his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.
They’re created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He’s all I’ve got left."