Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Can God be Trusted?

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." 
- Romans 15:13

A friend recently posted on her FaceBook page the above Scripture. I was  instantly reminded of how this verse in Romans was my constant prayer for months after Brad died. I was feeling the loss of all hope of ever knowing joy and peace again...this side of Heaven.

As I prayed this heart pleaded with God to "fill me" once again with joy and peace..though I doubted it was possible.

I felt my hope had been dropped and shattered...leaving only it's remnant inside me like a bunch of scattered pieces across my broken spirit. 

As I prayed with the smallest of faith...the Lord answered my plea with one of His own to me. He spoke to my heart how He desired to fill me with more joy and peace than I could ever hold inside of me...but there was something very important I needed to do in order to keep what I received.

I needed to trust in Him.

God did not say.. I need to try and understand His ways.

The Lord made very clear to my heart that He was encouraging me to trust Him by reminding me how my faith in Jesus was my anchor throughout the highs and lows of Brad's illness and death. He encouraged me to draw on the power of the Holy Spirit's wisdom inside of me to help me to trust Him now. 

Trusting God was what I need most.

I needed to trust that He had not forsaken me when sorrow and grief came rushing in and crushed against my spirit till it nearly broke. I needed to trust that in all my most devastating circumstances it is God's own Hand that is holding me together and tightly to Himself. I needed to trust that He would fill me with His hope, joy and matter what comes my way in this life. I needed to trust God that He will come one day for me for me too...and I will live with Him forever. 

As I prayed, I began to realize I needed to shift from only trusting God through the filter of what my circumstances trusting God completely...regardless of my circumstances. 

But how could I ignore painful circumstances and the feeling of betrayal when God allows such heartache? 

You see, in my grief and sorrow I had begun to question God's goodness when the circumstances of my life...were anything but good!  If; "God is good...all the time." I wondered, "where was His goodness in this?" 

As I was struggling with "unbelief" in the way I trusted God, I knew I needed to pray for greater trust in Him. I could hardly stand the thought of what my heart was considering... that God's love had failed me when He didn't give me the answers my heart pleaded with Him earnestly heal and restore Brad to me. 

In the months following Brad's death...I prayed many things...but, my fervent prayer became; "Lord, increase my trust in you." I knew my greatest need above all others...was to fully trust the Lord. 

God is faithful! As each day and night unfolded He revealed to my seeking spirit through prayer, reading my Bible, and the wise counsel of godly friends...His trustworthiness. As my trust in God's goodness and loving kindness increased and grew hope returned. 

With my hope spirit has become a vessel of God's abundant joy and peace anchored in trusting in His goodness over any of this life's troubles. The overflow of joy and peace the Lord fills me with each day, produces in me the evidence of a greater hope and joy in the Lord...because I trust Him completely. 

With fully trusting in the Lord...I have a peace that overcomes my greatest fears and doubts of what the future may hold...

I not only trust God...I'm sticking with Him! 

Lamentations 3:19-24 The Message

     "I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
    the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
    the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there’s one other thing I remember,
    and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

    God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out,
    his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.
They’re created new every morning.
    How great your faithfulness!
I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).
    He’s all I’ve got left."



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